Finding Freedom through Feedback: A Counselor Interns Journey

 

“I call perfectionism ‘the 20-ton shield.’ We carry it around thinking it’s going to protect us from being hurt. But it protects us from being seen.” ~ Brene Brown ~

In my initial months as an intern counselor, the most profound gift I’ve received is feedback. For many years, I hid behind the shield of perfectionism. I believed that if I lived perfect, looked perfect, and acted perfect, I could avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. I feared feedback – both positive and negative – and set an expectation for myself that I must excel at everything I try. Little did I know, this limiting belief system was preventing me from learning, growing, and expanding beyond the confines of my armor.

“Shame loves perfectionists – It’s so easy to keep us quiet.” ~ Brene Brown ~

The day I received feedback about my strengths and struggles from my supervisor was the day I broke free from my armor. This turning point has proven to be one of the most transformative experiences of my life thus far. The liberation of being fully seen granted me:

Freedom to grow

To learn

To try

To fail

To reflect

To refine

These freedoms set the foundation for courageous pursuit of excellence, not perfection. According to Dr. Scott Miller, research shows that the difference between mid-level therapists and exceptional therapists is the willingness to ask, “How can I improve?”

With the gift of corrective feedback, I finally feel permission to lay down my shield of perfection. Through awareness, reflection, and deliberate action, I hope to embrace imperfection and evolve into the most effective, intentional, consciously competent counselor I can be.

My Take-Away

When I read this beautiful blog that Mychal wrote, I was struck by her willingness to look growth straight in the face. And truly, I was awe-struck with what she had to say about her learning, both in her authenticity and the creative capacity to convey this.

Feedback can be easier to receive when we are seen in our best light. Yet, some of our greatest growth comes through walking through the hard stuff and confronting our shadow. We grow when we lean into our humanness and with a quest to do better. The best clinicians I know, authentically and consistently quest for their own self growth. It is evident in who they are and what they bring into “being with” their clients.

That Mychal is open to feedback with the good and the challenging as an opportunity to grow, says so much about the freedom for which she will continue to walk through her journey as a counselor. I am greatly honored that I get to walk alongside her as she takes this on. I am thrilled with the message that she is willing to convey to others who may benefit from her learning as well.