Nurturing Self Presence (Counselor Conversation)

Cookies, Learning and Conversation

When I put out the word that I plan to bake cookies and deliver these to counselors, my friend and colleague, Dr. Marilyn Sears, PhD, LMFT sent me a message to ask me to lunch.  The day we met, she brought her favorite cookies.  She smiled at me and shared, “ I could bake you cookies, but I could not bake anything better than these.”  She handed me a package of Tate’s Crispy Chocolate Chip Cookies  I was touched that she took the time to share these with me.  I had only thought we were meeting for lunch, so this was an added surprise.

Marilyn and I have known of each other for years, primarily by hearing each other’s names through the grapevine.  We never actually met until about 1 1/2 years ago, when I held a Counselor Conversation around the use of music in therapy and that included a drum circle.  I felt drawn to her right away and we have stayed in touch ever since.  The thing that strikes me the most about Marilyn is her soft-spoken, gentle way.  She has an infectious laugh and the part that draws me to her the most is this ease of being with her.  I can only imagine that she emanates this same way with her clients.

Our moments have included genuine sharing about our lives, both through the good times and the challenging ones too.  I have felt accepted and honored to learn from her wisdom.  I walk away from visits with a sense of warmth in having had spent time with her.  I often wish that I would have met her earlier in my life and career.

Professionally Learning

When I asked Marilyn about what is her greatest learning as a Psychotherapist, she shared, “My greatest learning professionally is the need to nurture my own healthy, wholesome core.  Being healthy myself enables me to be of service to others. My interest in nurturing my own self comes from a primary connection to something greater than myself. The source of this connection has to do with love that was passed down to me from my family members, friends and ancestors. My individual and personal connection to love and life is what I desire to pass on to all those who know me. Sometimes it shows up in cookies, sometimes in just a Hello.”

Marilyn also spoke about the importance of being present in moments with her clients and the interconnection between this and her own self awareness.  “Being fully present and avoiding unconscious projections creates a space for positive change in others. The purpose of my work is to truly listen, with the intention of assisting the person to gain new insight into a better life.”

Personal Learning

“My greatest learning personally is to live in the present moment.”  She attributed her learning from this through Eckhart Tolle.  I love being a psychotherapist because it is a profession that challenges me to be fully alive and present in the moment while being of service to others.”

My Takeaway

In talking with Marilyn, I was reminded about the gift in receiving as much as there is a gift with giving.   I enjoyed our lunch and conversation.  The cookies that Marilyn brought, while quite yummy, were secondary for me to her authentic wish to sit with me.  To be present.  The gifts of compassion, time and the wish to know another person is one of the  greatest honors that we can give each other.   And through this comes the joy of connection.  The very essence about Marilyn and her invitation to “be with” is what I know contributes to her awareness of being present and mindful as a gifted and seasoned psychotherapist.  It truly was my honor to sit with her.

Additionally, I am reminded about how as counselors our presence is dependent on our own self-nurturing outside the counseling office.  We mus take care of our very core of being, our existence and way of showing up.  In doing so, we can be more fully present and responsive to our clients needs.  With self awareness, we are able to eliminate and/or manage counter transference so that this does not get in the way.  This has to be nurtured for our capacity to be present with ourselves, with our clients and with one another.

The Cookies 

I took these cookies home and enjoyed one with a nice cup of coffee the next day.  They are packed with buttery, rich, crispy chocolate chip goodness.  Honestly, It is hard to have just one.  I can’t believe Marilyn purchased these at Safeway and that I have not discovered them before.  After our visit, I even noticed these were being sold in a convenience store in the New Mexico Airport.  I agree with Marilyn’s that these are as good as almost any home baked cookie.   I am honored that she took the time to share these with me, but mostly for time with her. Thanks for introducing me to both learning and these cookies, Marilyn.

More About Marilyn

Dr. Marilyn Sears is a psychotherapist and has been in private practice for the past 18 years. She offers services with individuals, couples and families. Attachment theory and mindfulness practices have become an important aspect of her work.   She graduated from Gonzaga University with a MA in Marriage and Family Therapy.   She also earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from the Fielding Graduate University (an APA accredited University) located in Santa Barbara CA.  Marilyn began her professional career as a teacher.  She found that students with emotional problems often had difficulty focusing on their school work.  She became interested in family therapy, specifically in mitigating difficulties in anxiety and depression in children and adolescents. Her interest in youth led her to write a dissertation on attachment difficulties in adolescents who were at risk for suicide.  Her practice is at 7307 North Division suite 311 in Spokane, Washington.